There, at the precipice, a tiny light permeated the crack in the door leading into my room…, and the dark figure looms….
And the hurting and the haunting began….
My One Lord Jesus, Grace, Savior, Redeemer, Healer and Deliverer….Grace and Gift Always…..I ask today…
To be able to live with the darkness….the dark void, the black hole that is the abuse as a small child, and the coma.
To believe with all of my heart that,
“ In the Face of the darkness light is near” Job 17:1
I ask today, my One Love Jesus, Grace, Savior, Redeemer, Joy, that as I look down at my once beautiful hands, now covered in hideous white hot warts, that I remember the nail scars on Your hands because of your love for me…
I ask today that the high risk HPV inflicted upon me by the abuse, is not a cause for shame…, for you took all of my shame upon yourself “who for the joy set before him endured the Cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God”. (Hebrews 12:2)
I ask today my One Love Jesus ,Grace and Gift, that I look only to You, the Light of the world, who “even the darkness is not dark to You, and the night is as bright as day.” ( Psalm 139:12 NASB)
I ask today to love with Your love…to be filled with the Joy of being Your Beloved , believing, trusting, AND LIVING IT.
I ask today not to define myself by the black hole of abuse, but by your Light, which has always guarded my soul safe…
I ask today that You be my Peace, my One Love Jesus, Grace, Savior, Redeemer and Joy.
I ask today that in placing this black hole at the foot of Your Cross, the anxiety may be lifted from my mind and heart, and I may praise, with arms uplifted, and dance like David of old. “The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing”. ( Zephaniah 3;17)
I ask today for the Grace and Gift to keep my hands open wide to you, and my heart open wider still..leaning into Your heart for protection…, for the tiny light still permeates the crack in the door…, and the dark figure still looms… AND I AM STILL HAUNTED…., terrified and trembling.
But there, at the precipice, even with terror still present… “a light shines in a dark place”.
Until the day dawns and the Morning Star rises in my heart”…( Taken from 2 Peter 1:19 NKJV)
I will forever Love and Trust You Jesus, My One Love, Grace, Gift, Redeemer and Joy!
Everything is Grace,
The wee one