My Lord Jesus , stripped naked, nailed to a tree….treated as the One who was less, so much less…..unable to breathe…..suffocated by the weight of His Holy Body….
“Oh Father, not my will, but Your will be done”…..I love them so……
Mary ran to the tomb to anoint her Lord with oils….. She also felt so deeply in her heart, that it was not supposed to be this way……her love, her Lord, hung from a tree……
Running….always running……
Mary, running to find You Jesus…… and I, running away from the memories……….
Not today…………..
I ran to Church this morning, dragging the foot that insisted upon being a step behind……always dancing to a different song……not of this world I have been told………
I fell upon my knees at the sight of You Lord Jesus, exposed upon the altar….vulnerable…, like I was……..
I feel myself crawl into You Lord Jesus, seeking the safety that I constantly crave………
I feel in my heart You telling me to rest in You……….that I am precious in Your sight and that You love me……….You say my name……
Colleen, rest upon my heart………….
Five years ago, I walked into your hospital room Dad, and I did not recognize you……you were struggling to breath and I ran away………….
Away to get help…….I could not leave you suffocating…….
Help arrived, and I promised you that I would not leave you alone.
For ten days, I stayed with you in Intensive Care….you needed to be intubated, to help you to breath…they tied you down, as I was held down, but I held your hands and stroked your brow….
Because you craved safety as I did, and I wanted to give to you all that you needed…….
I didn’t see the person that abused me……I saw my Daddy…alone, frightened and naked…and I held you, prayed with you, had you anointed with Holy Oil by a priest…..
I whispered prayers and loving words to you…..tried to give to you all that was lost to you as a child…….
The precious one love of my life stayed with me, loving and supporting me…as the ONE , who is Love, filled my heart with HIS GRACE……….Jesus
“The night before He died, He took bread in His sacred hands…and looking up to You Father, He gave thanks and praise….” Eucharist…………..giving thanks, “coming out of oneself, out of the narrowness of one’s life and growing into the immensity of Life in Christ”*——“Everything is Grace”.*
By God’s merciful love, they removed the ventilator the very night before you died and you were able to speak. You asked for vanilla ice cream…your favorite…how often, especially during the hot summer evenings, you would send me to the store for ice cream…and say, “don’t forget, mine is vanilla!”
I fed you ice chips, and you were so alert! My precious one love was with me…always loving and supporting me……
We had to leave…it was late…I assured you that I would come back tomorrow morning….
I drew close to your face to kiss you goodnight and the gentleness, the loving intensity of your blue eyes were speaking volumes to my heart…..
And you said my name…
The name of the wee child that loved her Daddy, in spite of everything………..
And the Lord said, “Do not be afraid, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your own name…..you are mine……
I regard you as precious…..and I love you.”(Isaiah 43:2-7)
You died the following morning, I held you and kissed you goodbye………
Everything is Grace,
The wee one