My mind is drifting ….like the snow stockpiling outside in the yard……I stand on the porch, gazing at my Beloved Tree, named for my girls….the branches hanging low with white wonder.
Drenched with , JOY and Fear , I stand, my arms outstretched ,my One Love Jesus ,Grace, Savior, Redeemer, JOY,, looking up at the sky,… praising You, while begging for healing……….still.
“Hear the sound of my pleading when I cry to you, lifting my hands toward your holy place” (Psalm 28:2)
Gazing out onto the winter wonderland, my ears are filled with the music of giggles…,the heart seeing with its’ inner eye, the wrinkled noses, snow angels, and mouths open wide, catching snowflakes as they Grace earth with white…JOY!
It is snowing heavily, My One Love, Jesus, Grace, Savior, Redeemer, JOY….your Gift to me this day…your Gift to me on another day so long ago,… snow………when it was the wee one, not Gentle girl and Quiet girl…….embracing the freshly laid blanket.
With the hood of my jacket covering my head, the wee one emerges from the tall, dark and dank apartment building…..safer outside than in…..
“Hear, O Lord , have mercy on me; Lord be my helper” (Psalm 30:11)
Encapsulated in the music of the snowflakes falling down , I see Your beauty ,my One Love Jesus, Grace, Savior, Redeemer, JOY and I am washed clean of the dirt and shame….if only for a time….
Completely alone, I can pretend that I live somewhere else…that this wonder-filled, white blanket can transport me to safety…into Your arms……..?
The wee one dances and twirls and makes her very first snow angel…..no one is watching, or lurking in the dark….and so I am free, lungs filled with the fresh, cold air of the Winter snow fall.
This time with You is healing, and JOY-filled, as only a broken child would know….held safely in the warmth of Your arms…..JOY.
The wee one sings, and twirls ,and twirls again, and falls into the outline of the Angel who keeps her safe……..
More frozen with fear than with cold , it is time for the wee one to go home. Home should be happy, and warm and bright and safe….but it is none of those things….
I slowly retrace my footprints to the front door of the tall, dark, dank apartment building……
And the wee one COUNTS…..She stands,… and counts steps, up to one hundred…without ever moving an inch…..as if this ritual could ever protect her…….
With every bit of strength of her being, the wee one begins the slow walk up the stairs, back to the fear and shame…praying all the while…and remembering……, embracing, leaning into….., by Grace and Gift
The warmth of her One Love, Jesus, Grace, Savior, Redeemer, ….., the singing and twirling, and the Angel…
“So my heart rejoices: with my song I praise God.” (Psalm 28:v7)
“And the snow, while it is here, reminds us of this:
That nothing lasts forever except memories”. –Cynthia Rylant
Briefly, for the wee one…the memories were JOY!
Everything is Grace,
The wee one